-

jag kan inte skriva.
 
 
kom o förstör mig.

alone.

 
I've always liked to be alone. Alone at home I mean. And now I live alone and suddenly I've gotten soooo company ill (?sällskapssjuk på engelska?). I'm so bored after work, I'm so bored at night yet I'm to tired/lazy to go anywhere, often. 
 
Maybe I just miss him... 
well I know I do. 
 
One good thing tho is now I can cook at night without disturbing anyone, haha! I love cooking at night! Doing it right now ;) Also cleaning at night. Truly my therapy! 
 
 

20th birthday!

 
Yesterday was my 20th birthday! Can't believe I'm not a teenager anymore :( 

jag vet att du vill va med mig.

för jag vill va med dig så jävla mycket,
och vi synkar alltid när det gäller sånt. 

thru instagram.

 
Helloo! I still have no wifi at my apartment...... but as soon it's
fixed I will start blogging again! Here you got some pictures from
my instagram, make sure to follow me guys! ;) 
 
kisskissbangbang see ya later! 

move.

 
Soo this week has been busy busy. As I said I started moving this monday and now I live there. I loove it! I love the "loneliness" - it's me and my own mess you know haha! I'm not done yet with the interior so you'll get pictures later :) Also I don't have internet yet so I can't update as normal. See ya!

upd.

I started moving today! I'm busy busy now as you might understand so the blog will suffer a little... So far so good! Even tho it's alooot to do and first of all I have to convince my dad to move my fucking bed to the apartment so I can start living there. I find that much easier since I also have work so I can do things at night/early morning. Thank god I have 2 more days off. Haha the first thing I packed was my shoes and it filled 2 (TWO!!) boxes. I did NOT realise I have that many shoes... I also have too much clothes.. The worst part is that my knees are all fucked up so I can barely walk or bend them, well well...
 
Tomorrow I will be up early and move some things and then go to IKEA. G'night! 

"hur kan man vara så vacker när man gråter?"

tystnaden som låg över den mörka gatan där han krama mig hårt och jag stod paralyserad.
min hand låg lätt på hans rygg, mer än så kunde jag inte krama tillbaka.
och jag stirra blint upp mot vägen, andades in hans doft och sen lät jag allt rinna.
inte ett knyst, 5 minuter som kändes som en evighet.
och när han såg tårarna så krama han hårdare.
"förlåt.."
"det är inte ditt fel."
 
det gjorde så jävla ont
men det kändes ändå liksom bra. 
för jag visste att de här klarar jag, för jag är stark. 
 
men ikväll saknar jag han lite extra mycket och ikväll rinner det igen,
just idag är jag inte så stark. 

b-day celebration and stressed out.

 

Friday night was my 20th b-day celebration!! I had made a lot of food (it's not even everything on the picture) so I could have a new party if I wanted to hahaha! I'm so thankful for everyone who came, for all the gifts and the whole evening was just so good! So I'm pleased :)
Thank you<33

 

Yesterday I was so tired but I had work in the morning so I was at work, then later with my wifey and we just ate and slept lol. This night was the worse! I feel so stressed and I've been sweating all night, could not breathe, stomach pain and all that. Tomorrow I'm supposed to be moving but there's no damn structure and no one seem to be able to help. It fucking kills me.

 

I just want to sleep and sleep but I have work in a couple of hours. Now I have to go to the gym to release some stress... 


maybe you're born with it, maybe it's an instagram filter.

no makeup
 
Always when a girl says "no makeup" everyone is like yaah but twenty filters giiiirl :)) Ever since I started working out I've had NO breakouts, acne and my skintone been plane. Sure there's a tiiiny pimple here and there but whatevs. I decided I'll use NO makeup this summer, only on special occasions and maybe mascara the days I look damn tired (lol) or cuz I feel like it. Otherwise, why cover up if you don't need it? That's a message for you guys: don't use it if you don't need it. I've seen soooo many girls who don't even need a liiittle makeup and there skin is perfection, yet they use soo much... it's sad (and a waste of money!!!). I love my freackles btw!!
 
Tonight it's my 20th celebration!!!! It's still a month left 'til my real b-day tho... so still a teenager yeeey!! 

todays pick.

 
white here | black here 
 
(ahahah the pictures are not even white damnit...)

Fruit up!

 
Vitamins, vitamins, vitamins! 
Trying to find my balance, learn to eat right and - most important - eat enough!! 
I think we should focus more on vitamins instead of only carbs, protein, fat and calories. 
There is so much more your body needs to function right!!

amazeballs pants with a backstory.

pants here
 
My new amazeballs pants!!!! LOVE EM!!! Ok so the backstory to whyyyy I totally needed to buy these even tho I'm broke: when I went to London at the beginning of mars this year I saw these at Forever21's website but when I was in Forever21 I forgot about them. Later I saw them at a girl on instagram and was like DARNIT!!!!!!! and then later on a another girl and I was like FUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!! and then I was really mad and then forgot about it...
 
And suddenly they show up! At ginatricot! And *click* they're mine!!! 
Ah, what a success! 

du är fortf en av de bästa jag känt. jag skiter i.

han fick mig att växa. 
jag kommer knappt ihåg vad jag gjorde eller vem jag var innan honom. 
visst, jag har fortfarande kvar vissa av de gamla vanorna, men 
jag har så jävla många nya nu att det gamla är glömt.
han fick mig att tänka om, att tänka rätt.
han lärde mig att trycka bort det som blir jobbigt, inte lyssna på hjärnan.
han fick mig att tänka på framtid, på vad jag vill.
han lärde mig att allt är värt att kämpa för, att om man inte kämpar så 
kommer man ingen vart.
 
min tid med han var lärorrik, 
en tid som jag nu ser kommer betyda sjukt mycket.
 
och jag vill att han och alla andra ska veta att han är bäst.
bäst bäst bäst och fin fin fin. 
en människa jag aldrig kommer glömma.
för han forma mig till det bättre.
 
så hur ska jag nånsin kunna hata dig?

6 days left.

 
So this week I will be busy busy! First of all, I work everyday this week and in my sparetime
I workout and running around being nervous, excited, scared, happy, sad etc. On only 6(!!!!)
days I move away from home. Wooaah I'm getting big!! So much responsibility I am NOT
used to. Mommy, daddy :'( 
 
Naah it's gonna be ok. So I'm planning alot on how to decorate and right now I'm looking for
that perfect kitchentable lamp. 
 
Also, on friday I will have a 20th birthday celebration for myself with some friends :)
So if the updates bad, now you know why! 

#strongasfuck

 
 
 
        
 
On my way to the gym now! I'm a little late tho... I have to go to work at 9 sooo... hurrycurry!!! My mission now is to eat ALOT, especially since I want to build a butt, abs and a shitloads of muscles ;) And to do that ladies - you got to eat! 
 
#surviver
#strongasfuck 
#strongVEGAN

Farm to fridge - video. Becoming a vegan?

Yesterday I watched a video about the animal industry. I already know (since last summer) how the poor animals are treated, that's why I since then always wanted to be a fulltime vegan, but I've always lost track. Mostly because I don't have enough education on what to eat but also because I always end up eating to little of the plant based which makes the body naturally turn into cravings for high-energy-fatty-and-carb-foods; like sugar, white bread, cheese etc.


The funny thing is it's my colleague who send me this video, and before she met ME she had never ever thought of becoming a vegetarian herself. Until I told her all the bad stuff about the meat- and animal industry. Haha!


Here's the 10-min short video. I really warn you tho, it's not a very nice video... 

 
(+)
 
I wanted to cry, puke, punch someone in the face and die when I saw this.....
 
I'm not even an animal lover. Actually I'm afraid of most animals (lol), like I'm very afraid of dogs, haha! But when you think about it, what's the difference between a cow and a dog? It's the same damn meat but your dog deserves to live because it's cute/hairy/you-love-it etc but not the cow because you want a hamburger? That makes no sense at all.
 
I don't eat meat (often) cause I know we get most of our illnesses from the meat we eat. But for 2 weeks ago I decided to start eating chicken, since I started working out alot, but guess what? After one week, I got sick. And I've been sick since. A couple of days ago I decided to only eat eggs and dairy as protein/animal-source, but after watching this, I'm not so sure anymore...

Sure I don't need to go fully vegan right NOW, but atleast I want to try as much as I can. Also, I think it would be a fun project to see if I can build muscles on a plant based diet which calories don't exist ;) 
Yes - on a plant based diet, you can eat alooooot more! 
 
Did you also know that the biggest environmental destroyer is the animal- and meatindustry? Not only is it bad for our health, it is bad for the earth too... 
 
What are your thoughts on this? 
 
 
(obs! Alla dessa filmer handlar mest om hur köttindustrin är i USA där jag kan tänka mig att det är värst. Hur det är i Sverige vet jag inte men jag tror - och hoppas - att det verkligen inte är såhär grovt. Så om man ska äta kött osv så köp iaf lokalt/svenskt.) 

bad mood, good moodboard.

 
                             
 
 
 
 
my tumblr 
 
Ok so I'm in such a bad mood today. Everything's been going on my nerves, I'm tired as fuck (still), my body don't want to co-operate and I'm hungry as a beast. No matter how much I sleep or relaxes, I just don't feel rested at all. And no matter what or how much I eat, my hunger won't go away. I don't feel like doing anything at the same time I want to do something. Uugh what is this??? PMS??? Maybe it's the weather... Oh how tired I am of being such a sad and unhappy lil' person, haha! 

call me when you know what you want.

blazer bikbok | top nelly.com | jeans ginatricot | shoes h&m 

Fitness is not about being better than someone else. It's about being better than you used to be.

jacket nike | waterbottle primark | tanktop and runningpants (the pink ones) ginatricot | pants adidas
 
Omg I've been sooo tired both yesterday and today! I love to workout right now but damn, I can't manage to get my ass to the gym. All I've been doing is sleep, sleep, sleep, work and eat. That's about it. Now I just bought some groceries and now I'm hitting the gym, even tho I'd rather lay in my bed. But hey, I promised myself to keep up with working out, so I got to keep that promise! I actually bought this damn expensive Nike jacket as a "reward" if I promise myself to keep working out ;) So... bye! Wish me luck!

todays pick.

 
I love bare shoulders! It's so sexy but still classy. Match it with red lips and you got a jackpot!

du va den.

du va den som fick stormen i mitt huvud att försvinna,
du va den som fick min själ att känna hopp,
du va den som fick mitt hjärta att känna något annat än smärta,
du va den som gjorde mitt gamla liv ett minne blott.
 
du va den som fyllde mina dagar med skratt,
du va den som fyllde mina nätter med ljus,
du va den som fyllde min gråskala med färg,
du va den som gjorde att jag hörde musikens ljud.
 
du va den som fick mig att tappa skrivförmågan,
för plötsligt fanns det ingen smärta att skriva om.
men idag kan jag skriva.
idag är du en av dom.

Hotel breakfast.

 
The other day I got a biiiig craving for a damn good hotel breakfast. First I thought I could make one myself, but then I felt like naaah. Cuz if you buy everything home you have to eat it all too, haha! So instead I asked my mom if she and my grandma wanted to go to Clarion Hotel at Arlanda Airport, and they did! I work at the airport too so it was perfect before my job today. And oh my freaking god I was in heaven!!! (even tho they didn't have Nutella). I really feel like I ate what we payed for, cuz it was quite expensive. But oh how worth it!!!!!!!!!!!! (it's not everything on the picture)
 
So now I'm happy and satisfied.
 
Happy midsummer! 

I pick you upp when you fall.

jacket carlings | shirt ginatrcot | pants kappahl
 
Finally I found the perfect white/beige flare pants. On sale too!!!

oneness lace.

oneness lace crop set nelly.com
 
The full set of the skirt you saw yesterday. Love this!!! The top is a liiiittle small tho, my boobs almost doesn't fit haha! 

positivity.

pineapple urban outfitters | lightbulb and frame lagerhaus | flower plantagen
 
I really like this sofa and thinking of maybe building one myself. I'm gonna check out two at IKEA first but if both of them are ugly I will build this one instead. And this flower is a must in my new home. So big and amazing! Oh how I want the pineapple...

todays pick.

Omg so pretty and cute! I really like the one with flowers. Found here. They also have white and black. 

Blue Ivy.

shirt ginatricot | skirt nelly.com | shoes h&m
 
So I bought a babyblue shirt yesterday. Got some discount too so it only cost me 50 sek. I also bought these shoes. At first I thought the trend was sooo ugly, but now I've start to like it. Found 'em at H&M Divided for 150 sek. I love cheap stuff!

Tack.

Jag måste bara säga tack, tack till alla mina fina vänner.
Tack för att ni bryr er, för att ni ser att jag vissa dagar är på botten,
för att ni frågar, för att ni lyssnar.
Tack för att ni finns.
Och ett tack till min fina chef och kollega,
tack för att du också ser, frågar, lyssnar, ger mig tid. 
 
Ni är verkligen bäst.
 

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